some stuff about paul dews

>>sohail | >>david

Paul was born in Hitchin, which isn't very far really. He was extremely popular and made many human friends but his favourite friend was an alien called Gilbert. Gilbert told Paul that one day he would meet 'the other two' and everything would make sense. The first part of his prediction did indeed come to pass.

The hospital where Paul was born is now a Safeways supermarket but Paul has told us not to worry and assures us that he will definitely not be selling out.

Unfortunately we are unable to inform Paul's many followers of his age. This is due to the fact that he is the youngest member of Silly Automatic and the other two tend to get a bit tetchy if this topic is introduced into conversation. It is testament to Paul's spiritually altruistic nature and high moral standards that we, at his request, have omitted the information concerning the lovely Mr. Dew's age. "I just can't big big bear to see those boys suffer any more than they already are!" he exclaimed recently at a cutenasty meeting. The reaction from the other two members? "Surely this man is an angel sent to us by the god of rock".

When he was in his early teens Paul became allergic to money and would break out in a hideous rash whenever he encountered the stuff. The school careers officer told him not to worry as he did not think this would present any major problems for him in the future.

Paul started to learn how to play the guitar with the help of Hank and Bert who took time out of their busy schedules and turn up on his parents doorstep regular as clockwork every Wednesday night. "I don't think I ever thanked you guys".

Paul left school and spent some considerable time working in the electronic circuit board industry as a screen printer. His work at the factory gave him so much job satisfaction that he started to experience extreme levels of ecstasy. Paul's parents became increasingly concerned about his uncontrollable euphoria and eventually had to get a doctor to try and put a stop to the madness which now permeated their once calm and respectable household.

The doctor's said Paul's present employment was making him far too happy and inducing feelings of pleasure which were quite frankly of too great an intensity for the average human body to withstand. Paul was in possession of a very average human body indeed and was thus experiencing the full power of his gleeful sickness. "This has got to stop Mrs. Dews, before your son goes completely and utterly bonkers" imparted the doctor whilst nonchalantly sipping on a half pint glass full of Baileys Irish Cream.

It was decided that Paul urgently needed a steadying influence in his life so he was sent off to Dartington College of Arts in Devon. It was difficult for Paul to leave the factory and he experienced many long nights of pining for the old life with nothing to comfort him but a three litre bottle of sherry and a copy of an out of date screen inks catalogue. But things were about to change.

It was at Dartington that Paul bumped into a guy who was on the theatre course who was also into writing song lyrics and singing. Paul and this other bloke soon discovered they had an amazing number of things in common, including topiary, red wine served chilled and a deep and passionate admiration for Hannah Gordon. The two became top chums and decided to give up their college courses, drop out and form a band. They decided they needed a third member to fill their sound out a bit and Paul's friend told him of the local pound where some musicians whom no-one has claimed were about to be destroyed. The pair of them shot down to the pound, picked the least smelly one out and the rest as they say...

The three members of Silly Automatic now live and create in Huddersfield, a town which is also famous for being the birthplace of Captain Jean Luc Picard. All of us here at the cutenasty office are looking forward to the day when the US Enterprise makes a return journey to carry out its prime objective which must be to encounter three of the brightest new stars of West Yorkshire. Perhaps they will discover that one star in particular shines a little bit brighter than the other two.*

*This last line was included at the request of the other two even though Paul protested at great length that they should not demean themselves in this way and that he was equally as mediocre as they are.